I Wonder What It’s Like To Feel Fully. To Fully Feel.
For A Nigga Who’s Been On The Sidelines As Long As I Have, It Gives You Ample Opportunity To Think Some Things Through.
Sometimes I Wonder How Beautiful Women End Up With Cornballs.
Sometimes I Wonder How Beautiful Women End Up Alone.
Sometimes I Wonder How Ain’t Shit Niggas End Up With Are Shit Women.
Sometimes I Wonder…
These Are Pretty Much The Only Luxuries Afforded To A Nigga On The Sidelines. (Once Polyamory Becomes A Chore)
There’s Gotta Be A Certain Level Of Privilege Afforded To The Cats Who Treat Women Like Shit. Don’t Know If It’s Because They Feel Like Their Time Is More Valuable Than Their Woman’s Time (So Taking Everything For Granted Becomes A Daily Routine, Maybe). Or It Could Be That They Think They Can Get Any Other Somebody At The Drop Of A #Dime? (Probably)(#nopun).
Whatever The Answer To Those ?’s, [Universally Asked Only By Niggas On The Sidelines] I Can’t Imagine It Making Much Sense Beyond The Realm Of Logical Thinking.
But I Guess There Is Little Logic In Love.
In A Semi-Related Tangent, Some People Say: "It’s Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Never Have Loved At All"
That Quote May Be True To An Extent, But There’s A Certain Rotting That’s Not Accounted For Once The Love Gets Lost. In My Instance, Love Doesn’t Dress In The Form Of Ethereal Wonderment, It Comes In The Form Of Simple Pleasures: Connection. Conversation. Friendship, And All Of The Other Stimulants Needed To Build The Very Big x Very Expensive “Chateau d’Amour” That Sells So Well In Theaters.
There’s Only One Real Winner In That Quote Anyway You Slice It And It’s The People Who Are Still In Love.
For People Have Never Been Fully Loved, Or Have Had The Opportunity To Fully Love, You’re Always In A Constant State Of “What If?” And Even If You’ve Trumped The Personal x Emotional Mountains That Deal With Being Worthy Enough, There’s Still A “Why Not Me?” Component That Is All But Impossible To Get Up x Over.
For The People Who Have Tasted Love Only To Watch It Escape Their Tongues, You Spend Every New Day Chasing A Feeling You Know To Exist, But Can Never Truly Replicate. It’s A Haunting Addiction That Can Paralyze You And Make It Harder To Open Yourself Up To The Point Where That Drug Can Again Find Your Being Habitable.
It Sucks Mostly Because You Know What Stimulating Conversation, Palpable Connection, And Friendships (Or More) Can Do, And Yet Here You Are Wallowing Away Either Talking To Dumb People Who Make You Wonder How They Made It This Far In Life, Or Stuck With Yourself x The Many Internal Battles That That Ultimately Brings.
And That May Be The Shittier Option Of The Two. You Don’t Really Know How Good Or Bad You Are At Life, At Love, And At Expressing Emotion If You’re Always By Yourself. It’s Like Constantly Running Scrimmages Against Your Own Team. You Can’t Really Anticipate Game Speed If You’re Not Playing In A Real Game. And It’ll Reach A Boiling Point Where You’re Tired Of Seeing The Same Face Over x Over. You Wanna Put The Pads On And Hit Someone Else For A Change…Metaphorically Speaking.
So I Guess That Leaves Us Here, Where It Has Always Left Us. The Only Place That You Find Solace In x Can Get Something At Least Semi-Tangible From: The Written Word. When All Else Fails, Write Some Shit Down And See If It Sticks, See What Comes Of It. Things May Not Always Change Outwardly, But There’s Something Stirring Inside That May Yet Resemble That Ethereal Thing You’re Chasing.
Like Most Of My Writing, This May Only Make Sense To Me. I Like To Be Selfish In That Way. Cause No Matter What, It’s The One Love I Can Truly Always Depend On.
“So therefore I dedicate myself to myself, to my art, to my sleep, my dreams, my labours, my sufferances, my loneliness, my unique madness, my endless absorption and hunger―because I cannot dedicate myself to any fellow being.”—Jack Kerouac (via ewok-gia)
“Why should kids be taught to hate the police? Because there are 2.3 million people in jail in the US right now and every single one was put there by a fucking cop. Some people talk about good cops and bad cops, but a good cop, a cop doing their job properly, still puts nonviolent drug users in jail for many years, totally ruining their lives as they lose their jobs, houses, cars, romantic partners, access to college, and become substantially less employable upon release. A cop doing their job properly still gives homeless people tickets for vagrancy which they obviously can’t pay and when a warrant is issued as a result an officer doing their job properly arrests those homeless people. An officer doing their job properly peppersprays and arrests environmental protesters so that logging companies can clear-cut old growth forests. An officer doing their job properly is evicting a family from their home as you read this because the parents’ jobs were shipped overseas so that the bosses could make eight figures a year instead of seven. Those people will become homeless, vagrancy tickets will be written, warrants will be issued… And then there’s the “bad ones”.”—Sacking Rome: A Magazine for Vandals, issue one. (via evilchurchgoer)
“Go into the arts. I’m not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.”—Kurt Vonnegut (via ampatspell)
I Saw A Tweet Today That Said: "If You Love Someone, Please Don’t Fuck It Up"
The Feeling Here Is That If You’re In Love With Someone, Then You Should Cherish It And Never Take It For Granted. If You Truly Love Someone Though, And Understand/Appreciate The Merits Of That Love On Your End And Your Partners End, Then There Is No Way That You Can Fuck It Up.
This Is Different From Those That Feel ‘Comfortable’ In Relationships And Are Just With Someone To Ride The Wave, For The Sake Of Not Wanting To Be Alone (Even If It Doesn’t Make Sense To Be With That Person) Or Just For The Sake Of Being Bored.
I Feel, As A Result, That Not Everyone Has A Soulmate, Strictly Based On The Lack Of Recognition Of Those ‘Love Merits’. This Is Not To Say That People Can’t Be Compatible With Each Other, Which Is Certainly Not The Case, But To Have A ‘Soulmate’ Would Mean To Have A Certain Knowledge And Understanding Of How Love Works, And That Is An Understanding Few People Can Attain To. Love, The Noun, Has Been So Diluted Over The Years That It’s Easy To Think You Know What It Is, But The Totality Of Love Is So Powerful That It’s Almost Esoteric In It’s Existence And Ethereal In It’s Standing Within Our Conscious.
The Only Way To Enter Into That Stratosphere Is To Learn To Comprehend Love In A Holistic Way, And Not To Sell It Short Like We’ve Been Taught To Do.
Love Is Powerful And That Power Most Certainly Works Both Ways.